Weird Al Yankovic - Jerry Springer lyrics

Album: Running With Scissors (1999)

It has been, one week since we got to see,
Cheatin´ lovers & cousins that marry.
5 days since they had the show with the hermaphrodit
the slut, & the crackhoe
3 days since we heard the tale about the guy who learned
his woman was a she-male.
Yesterday, it occured to me, that I would been watching a bit
too much Jerry Springer.

Holy Cow, didya see it last week?
Well they had this one freak,
Who suckered punched his whole family.
Do you recall when the brawl became a total ´free-for-all´
and jerry´s in the middle trying to be the referee?
Hey, see the stripper with the implants?
She likes to lap-dance, & date the boyfriend of her mother.
Now here comes Jerry´s next guest, & it is a slug fest cuz
it is her trailer trash brother.

Nymphomaniac is back on crack it is like when animals attack
they all exhibit reprehensible behaviour.
hit ´em in the nose tear off their clothes step on their toes thats how it goes
they get so violent they have to sign a waiver.
They are always swearin´ cursin´ kickin´ butt & pointin´ blame
on the air they dont care they got no shame.
There was one guy I am sure he felt a little strange, when he found
out that his wife had a sex change.
They have a tendency to scream & yell constantly,
They have a history of ripping off their shirts...

It has been One week since they had the fight,
with the Siamese twins & the transvestite.
5 days since that awful brawl,
They still haven´t got the blood off the wall, it has been
3 days since the bitter feud between the KKK & the gay Jewish
black dude.
Yesterday, it finally dawned on me, that I would been watching
a bit too much Jerry Springer.

Speaking: Baby, I have been sleeping with your sister.
Ugh! Which one?
All of ´em.
Well I have been sleeping with you are best friend, Jay!
Yea? Well..Well! Me too & I have been sleeping with your dog, Woofie.
Woofie, you bitch. Well I am also sleepin´ with your pet goat!
That goat doesn´t love you!

Once you start watching, theres just no stopping.
Your brain shuts down, & your IQ´s dropping.
Jerry´s the king of confrontation, he has a sensation, he puts the sin
in sindication
He has totally worthless like a bad check, he has like a train wreck,
Don´t wanna stare, but you can not look away.
Like Sally Jesse, he does talk shows, but with more weirdos,
The rating´s jumping higher every day.

If you have seen the show, then you know it is about as low
as you can go,
The guests are tacky, & they are lacking in their hygiene.
Then pretty soon, some ugly goon comes in the room, & then
it is boom in the face of some unsuspecting Drag Queen
Well it is the kind of show where people scream obscenities,
yanking hair, throwing chairs at their hubbies.
Jerry, Jerry, now the crowd starts their favourite chant.
Should I turn off my TV? I just can´t.
I´ve a tendency to watch it religiously, I´ve a history
of taping each one.

It has been One week since the show about,
Psycho killers with problems they should work out.
5 days since the big surprise, when some loser´s wife said
that shes still datin´ 20 guys,
3 days since the interview, a bunch of psychic pornstar midgets
who were all nude,
Yesterday it occured to me, that I have been watching
a bit too much jerry Springer.

Tired of wasting my time on that Jerry Springer,
I have got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer.
Come over here & pull on my finger.
(Music Slowly Fades)

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