Weird Al Yankovic - Amish Paradise lyrics

Album: Bad Hair Day (1996)

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife & realize she has very plain
But that is just perfect for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the mornin´ I am milkin´ cows
Jebadiah feeds the chickens & Jacob plows, fool
And I have been milkin´ & plowin´ so long
That even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I am a man of the land, I am into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand & a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores, & you finish thine
Then tonight were going to party like it is 1699

We been spendin´ most our lives
Livin´ in an Amish paradise
I churned butter once or twice
Livin´ in an Amish paradise
It is hard work & sacrifice
Livin´ in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living´ in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him & I turned the other cheek
I really don´t care, in fact I wish him well
Cause I will be laughin´ my head off when he has burnin´ in Hell
But I never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a ´tude? You know thats unheard of
I never wear buttons, but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit you will be bored to tears
We´ven´t even paid the phone bill in 300 yeahrs
But we aint really quain´t so please don´t point & stare
We are just technologically impaired

There is no phones, no lights, no motor cars
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Coruso, it is as primitive as can be

We been spendin´ most our lives
Livin´ in an Amish paradise
Were just plain & simple guys
Livin´ in an Amish paradise
Theres no time for sin & vice
Livin´ in an Amish paradise
We do not fight we all play nice
Livin´ in an Amish paradise

Hichin´ up the buggy, churnin´ lots of butter
Raise a barn on Monday, soon I will raise an udder
Think your really righteous, think your pure at heart?
Well I know, I am a million times as humble as thou art
I am the pious guy, the little omlettes want to be like
On my knees day & night, scorin´ points for the after life
So don´t be vain, & don´t be whiney
Or else my brother, I might´ve to get medieval on your heinie

We been spendin´ most our lives
Livin´ in an Amish paradise
We are all crazy Menonites
Livin´ in an Amish paradise
Theres no cops or traffic lights
Livin´ in an Amish paradise
But you would probably think it bites
Livin´ in an Amish paradise

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