Jeff Foxworthy - Twas The Night After Christmas lyrics

Album: Crank It Up-The Music (1996)

Twas the night after Christmas & all through the trailer,
The beer had gone flat & the pizza was staler,
The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys,
I was camped out on my old La-Z-Boy,

The kids they weren´t talking to me or my wife,
The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives,
My wife couldn´t argue & neither could I,
So I watched TV & my wife, she just cried

When out in the yard the dog started barkin´
I stood up & looked & saw Sheriff Larkin
He yelled, "Roy I´md sworn to uphold the laws
And I got a complain´t from a feller named Clause."

I said, "Clause, I do not know nobody named Clause,
And you aint takin me in without probable cause."
Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night."
I said, "That might have been me, just whats he look like?

The Sheriff replied, "Well he has a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly
That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly
He sports a long beard & a nose like a cherry."
I said, "That sounds like my wife´s sister Sherri."

"It is no time for jokes Roy," the Sheriff he said,
"The man I am describing is dressed all in red
I am here for the truth now, it is time to come clean,
Tell me what you done, & tell me what you seen."

Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell
It´dn´t be the 1st time I spent New Yeahrs in jail.
I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten,
I thought that my wife had been drinking again."

When she walked in from works she was white as a ghost
I thought maybe she would seen one of them UFO´s
But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head
And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red,

Well I ran outside to look & the sight made me shutter,
A freezer full of venison standing right on Red´s gutter.
Well, my hands were a shaking as I grabbed my gun,
When outta Red´s chimney this feller did run

And slung on his back was this bag overflowin´
I thought he would stolen Red´s stuff while old Red was out bowlin´
So I yelled, "Drop it fat boy, hands in the air."
But he went about his business like he hadn´t a care

So I popped off a warning shot over his head,
Well he dropped that bag & he jumped in that sled,
And as he flew off i heard him extort,
"Thats assault with intent Roy, I will see you in court."Ill tell you what sheriff if you put a subnet
on me I wont show up ill hold up in the cellar
and you will never rout me outta there
so why don´t you just
turn car off come
in well watch wrestling eat some
Easter bunny stew & talk about howta catch that tooth fairy
she has been over here about every other night

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