Jeff Foxworthy - The Clampetts Go To Maui lyrics

I will give you an idea of what kind of family mine is
This is a true story
About 9 or 10 months ago I did somethin I had always wanted to do
I cashed in all my frequent flyer miles
I took everybody in my family to Hawaii, 13 people
Thinkin this would be the vacation of a lifetime
It ended up bein the Clampetts go to Maui!

Cuz you get my family together & there´s an empty K-mart somewhere!
They showed up at the airport they were usin coolers & grocery bags for luggage
The sky cap was like "which ones yours? the samsonite?"
They were like, "no we got the igloo with the duct tape on it & the 5 piggly wiggly bags right there!"

At the ticket counter I asked my mother, i said "mom would you like to sit next to the window?"
She goes "oh i better not, i just had my hair fixed."
And on the plane, the movie they were showin on the plane was Homeward Bound The Incredible Journey
5 minutes into this movie my brother turns to me & goes, "You know that aint them dogs real voice!"
My sister got mad, "well thanks for spoilin it for everybody else!"

And we were stayin right on the beach, in fact the whales were migrating through
You could stand on the balcony & watch whales come up out of the water
1st morning there, my brothers out there goin "man i wish i had a gun with a scope on it!"
"How much does it cost to mount a whale?! ANYBODY KNOW?!"
I would´ve to get a bigger trailer i will tell ya that!

And you could tell which rooms were ours
Ours were the ones with the underwear hangin off the rail!
According to the manager, the sight of the only peeing for distance contest they had ever had!
Which I´m ashamed to say my Aunt Rose won in the 2nd round!
We´re a classy bunch!

My uncle Doug kept askin, "When we going to convert our money to Hawaiin money?"
This is the same uncle Doug, we went to a luau & you know how they always ask people to volunteer to hula dance?
Ol´ Doug volunteered.
Halfway through the dance we all realize Doug´s not wearin any underwear underneath his hula skirt!
We asked him about it later & he goes, "well when i went to put my skirt on i noticed i had a hole in my drawers & I didnt want to embarrass myself!"
Dang Doug, you thought this out!

And theres my family, I love em, they are good people...
They just dont get out much!
Mainly because of that "no shirt no shoes" rule

They love that hotel though
God, they stole everything from that place
They stole the ashtrays while we were checkin in!
Didnt even dump the sand out of em! Just picked ´em up & walked out!
Stole everything, I mean you get outta the shower & your dryin off with toilet paper cuz tehy ahve teh towels in teh piggly wiggly bags
And one day one of the maids made the mistake of goin to lunch & leavin her cart out in the hall...
They were on that like a pack of dogs on a 3 legged cat! Picked it clean!
I asked my brother later i said, "what are you gonan do with 180 shower caps?!"
He said, "Christmas presents!"
Then his wife got mad, "well thanks for spoilin it for everybody else!"

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